February 1, 2024

When I last posted, I was going to my oncologist to get the word on the results of my latest CT scan. The scan showed that the nodule on the left lung, the one that had grown before had grown more, but still not enough to be able to do a biopsy. Rosie, my sister, who is my medical proxy and always with me at these appointments, and I protested. Isn’t there something, anything we can do. Dr. Z explained that they can’t do anything until the nodule is big enough to be able to do a biopsy and get the pathology on it. A PET scan would not be helpful, because they still can’t tell if the nodule is cancer, not until they can get a biopsy. so, we wait another three months and do another scan. Ugh. I see Dr. Z again on April 22. He even reminded me that JRA can form nodules in the lungs. I don’t think those nodules would grow like this one, but they have to be sure. After all, any treatment for cancer is hard on the body, so it’s not good medicine to treat before you know.

I am so frustrated with this process. Having lived with the JRA all my life, i’m used to taking action for my disease. Meds not working well anymore, let’s try something else. Joints worn out or mobility lost to the point of nearly unusable, let’s do a joint replacement. Action, not this waiting and waiting. But this is the best course for now.

I decided that i’m not going to waste the next three months. I was so devasted after October, and the huge growth of one of those nodules, that I just drifted until the next appointment. i will not do that this time. fascination, the next book in my Haven Valley series, is almost halfway done. i’m determined to finish it before seeing Dr. Z in three months. It won’t be publishable yet, but at least to have the first draft done. i’m determined to work on other aspects of my life, and spend every day being glad I’m still here and still going on, kicking and screaming some day–not really but in my mind–content on other days, but still going along. And we’ll see what we see, on April 22.