SIDE EFFECTS AND THEN SOME

Day 15

August 21, 2024

So, side effects have come to visit. I’ll start by saying no Hand and foot syndrome yet. Thank God. I do have nausea, general stomach pain, diarrhea, immense fatigue, and loss of appetite. These effects started happening last Wednesday, when I was nauseated on the drives to and from my uncle’s funeral, and they aren’t showing any signs of going away. The diarrhea has just been small amounts at a time, but it’s been all day and all night for the past two days. I might possibly be a little better today, but it’s too soon to tell.

The fatigue, I called it immense, because it seems even worse than what I had before. Yesterday, for instance, I went back to bed around 9 AM and slept until around 2 PM or so. I stayed up late watching the Democratic convention, but it was a struggle. I felt exhausted and ready for bed by 6 PM. It’s just after 9 now, and I feel ready to go to sleep, but I’m not giving in right now.

The loss of appetite is about the same as the first round of chemo with the higher dose of the meds. Even when I do eat, I eat tiny amounts of food. Maybe I will have a smoothie and drink an ensure. I can’t eat a full meal these days. I’ve now lost just over 15 pounds since this all started. I was overweight, so people don’t notice the loss, or nobody is saying they notice it. It’s got to be the appetite thing, because otherwise, why would a woman who isn’t exercising be losing so much weight in just two months. I’m still at the stage where I’m glad of the weight loss, even though I probably shouldn’t be glad. It doesn’t mean I’m healthy or anything cool like that. I feel like I’m not going to worry about it until none of my clothes fit or people start commenting about me losing weight.

I had a wonderful surprise this past Monday. A dear old friend I haven’t seen in at least 15 years and to whom I haven’t spoken in 3 and a half years, called me yesterday. We talked for a long time, catching up. It was great to hear from him and I’m hoping he may come for a visit someday. I’d let him know I was back in California, but somehow, he didn’t remember that and still thought I was in Colorado. Typical in many ways. It was a happy break during this time.

A week from tomorrow I go back to see Dr. Z. I have to get lab work done before that of course. I can’t remember if I explained why the lab work earlier in this journey, so I’ll mention it here. The big thing is to check my white and red blood cell counts. Chemo that destroys bad cells also destroys good cells, and my blood cell counts can change a little or drastically. They also check for a lot of other things, and in particular, they check for my kidney function. This is vital since I only have the one kidney now. I’m hoping we can get a CT scan sometime in September, so we can find out if the chemo is having an effect on the cancer at all. Still, I take my little pill every day, and I hope.

I’ve said before that this is a one day at a time kind of thing. It’s also a bit of a roller coaster, with my mood creeping up those steep hills, say after an unexpected phone call, and then the mood plunging back down to the bottom as the side effects take hold and don’t seem to want to let go. Today, I just feel tired, so tired. I’m hoping I can make it through tonight’s Convention speeches. Tonight is Secretary Pete and governor Walz, and I’m excited to hear them both. Right this minute however, I feel like I’d just like to go to bed and sleep for a very long time.